she’s fun, smart, blonde (no matter what color her hair appears), messy, giggley, and fabulous.
her alter ego’s name is gus-gus. you know, the mouse from cinderella? he’s the chubby one. (ashley is not chubby at all- but her personality kind of is)
she has a great apartment in a trendy neighborhood in chicago - with nothing hanging on her boring white walls.
we always make her calculate the tip, but never let her choose the restaurant.
and sometimes, she’s dumb. completely, wonderfully, and adorably dumb
this weekend i stayed with ashley at her apartment in chicago. as always, we had a great time (ie: lots of glee and laying in bed). as luck would have it, ashley’s parents were driving through the city on their way home from visiting her younger brother at college. marguerite and little joey rubin AND blueberry pancakes?! count me in! besides, ashley’s mom and i totally love to gang up on ash and have secret conversations about her - in front of her face. it’s really fun.
after 2 hours of ashley’s parents and me playing, 3 vs. 1, lets-grill-ash-about-her-new-boyfriend, we made our way back to her apartment. (side note: she told her parents they weren’t allowed up because it was too messy. and they accepted it and waited in the lobby! wow. i was muy impressed.) we then proceeded to unload their packed minivan with decorative objects, hand picked from the exotic boutiques of minneapolis, meant to furnish ashley’s apartment.
fast forward through hugs, good-byes, and ‘thanks for the pancakes!’ and ashley and i are back in her oh-so-bare apartment staring at piles of unknown decor. i glance at ash and see an overwhelmed and defeated gus-gus sighing back at me.
of course, i knew what i had to do. i’d known since we were unloading the car and marguerite made serious eye contact with me and said, ‘help her.’ the experience i gained in the 6 weeks i’ve spent healing and decorating my own place, along with the 8 cups of coffee i consumed at brunch, kicked in to action. i started hammering and moving furniture. i zipped around her apartment like a cartoon character, hanging and rearranging. (i did a great job, but i’ll pat myself on the back about my decorating skills another time.)
as i start shifting objects to accommodate the new artistic flare, i notice that almost all of ashley’s furniture is set off the wall 6-9 inches. i find this strange. ashley lives in a studio apartment. it’s a decent size, but in a studio you want to utilize every inch of available space. right? i point this out to ashley. gus-gus simply gives me a confused/guilty smile, shrugs, and giggles.
ashley’s a little dumb - exhibit a:
we’re sitting on ashley’s couch admiring our productive afternoon and ashley says ‘wow, my apartment looks bigger!’ no kidding ashley. moving all the furniture back a foot, so it’s actually touching the wall, can have that affect on a room.
the next morning i wake up, after ashley has gone to work, and my sleepy gaze lands on ashley’s bookshelves. they’re really cool, (yes, bookshelves can absolutely be cool!) they are the style that gives the illusion of slanting against the wall. you know, the bottom shelf is the biggest and each shelf gets slightly smaller as they get higher. thats when i realized something strange. the shelves were actually slanted. as in, not straight. as in, when you set objects on them the objects fall over.
after i - continuing my role as decorator - fixed the shelves, the following text conversation took place.
a.k.a. ashley’s a little dumb - exhibit b:
me: i fixed your bookshelves so they don’t slant. you’re welcome.
me: p.s. you’re a little retarded
me: love you! :)
ash: they’re supposed to slant. haha.
me: no. bookshelves are never designed to slant. they’re supposed to look like they’re slanting without letting candle wax drip everywhere.
the following images will continue to make me laugh when i return to colorado. they represent 3 square feet of unused floor space, bookshelves that are ‘supposed’ to slant, and one of ashley’s most endearing qualities - adorable dumbness :) miss you already, ash. and remember, premium real estate can be priceless. you now have enough space to lay down a yoga mat. you are welcome.
after i moved them. the slanted residue remains.
note the indentations where the furniture used to be. looks bigger, huh?
