i appreciate the right to vote. the first amendment is stellar - i’m all about freedom of speech. i realize that i’m lucky to be an american citizen, living in a democracy, yatta yatta yatta. i get it. the u.s. rocks. but every couple of years i want to pack my bags and hop a plane to some government-free island south of the equator. i simply can not take one more of these terrible campaign advertisements! every time i turn on the television (which is often. why couldn’t i have forgotten how to walk after the election?) i am bombarded by ad after ad for “women of colorado support ‘ms. ‘promises-to-make-a-difference’” or “how could anyone vote for ‘mr. i-hate-women’s rights.’” enough already. if this doesn’t end soon i’m going to be forced to do something drastic like - gasp!- turn off my television.
what i really have a difficult time understanding is who they hire to do the production of these abominable commercials. certainly not anyone professionally involved in television or advertising. this is apparent by the total lack of creativity and/or entertainment. i mean, really - the treacherous music underscoring an evil voice bashing the opponent, followed by the cheerful serenade as the ‘right’ choice, suit clad, rescues a kitten from a tree while his beautiful wife and 2 1/2 children look on adoringly - really?
does anyone actually think this is a high-quality, effective way to ‘get out the vote’? it certainly doesn’t make me want to vote for anyone in particular. in fact, the only thing i am inspired to do when i see these commercials, besides throw something at the tv or hit the mute button, is dislike politicians. in general, i have decided to be against all government officials who do not take their advertisements seriously enough to do something original. come on kids, all i’m looking for is a little creativity. if primetime is going to be flooded with hours of this nonsense, is a little production value too much to ask? would it kill someone to crack a joke? a pun? something?
in high school, i learned that the right to vote is not only a right, but a responsibility. however i believe that if politicians want to take up air time on television (especially when i have a broken foot) it becomes their responsibility to use their time wisely - i.e. to entertain me. through this logic i have decided that the next time an election roles around, i will judge the candidates solely on the creativity and entertainment value of their commercials. after all, they are taking the time (oh god, SO much time) to... um.... inform the public, maybe someone should listen.
so that will be the key to my vote. you go, boys - think, draft, create! may the best man (or pants-suit-wearin’-lady) win! gee, this might actually make the next election interesting...
Friday, October 29, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
pain management
today i saw a third, but certainly not final, doctor. i keep telling them that my pain is very mild, when it's present at all. however they keep writing my prescriptions for pain killers! it goes a little something like this....
dr: hows your pain?
me: not bad, just a little tender to the touch
dr: oh... not bad...? well, how about a prescription for vicodin? its very important to properly manage the pain you have.
me: um, ok
on the next visit with a different dr....
dr: i see here you were put on vicodin. how is that working out for you?
me: fine, i guess. my foot doesn't really hurt too often. but when it does, the vicodin doesn't actually seem to make much difference. but, thats ok. i'm not in very much pain.
dr: the vicodin isn't doing the trick?! well, here's a scrip for percocet. it's VERY important to properly manage your pain.
me: um, ok.... ?
i'm slightly confused about why these doctors continue to write me prescriptions when i tell them how minimal my pain is. but if becky neumann, md has taught me anything, it is this: never refuse medication. so i have been filling my scripts with a smile... a goofy, drug induced smile...
mom would be so proud
*side note: i am NOT abusing or over using pain killers. i am, however, abusing the fact that these doctors seem to feel like they aren't doing their job unless they send me home with some meds. this is healthy. maybe.
dr: hows your pain?
me: not bad, just a little tender to the touch
dr: oh... not bad...? well, how about a prescription for vicodin? its very important to properly manage the pain you have.
me: um, ok
on the next visit with a different dr....
dr: i see here you were put on vicodin. how is that working out for you?
me: fine, i guess. my foot doesn't really hurt too often. but when it does, the vicodin doesn't actually seem to make much difference. but, thats ok. i'm not in very much pain.
dr: the vicodin isn't doing the trick?! well, here's a scrip for percocet. it's VERY important to properly manage your pain.
me: um, ok.... ?
i'm slightly confused about why these doctors continue to write me prescriptions when i tell them how minimal my pain is. but if becky neumann, md has taught me anything, it is this: never refuse medication. so i have been filling my scripts with a smile... a goofy, drug induced smile...
mom would be so proud
*side note: i am NOT abusing or over using pain killers. i am, however, abusing the fact that these doctors seem to feel like they aren't doing their job unless they send me home with some meds. this is healthy. maybe.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
there's no place like home
although i am currently unable to click my heels together, the wind at the dog park today was so incredibly violent i was reminded of my time living in stereotypically windy places, like kansas and chicago. i wasn't sure if i was going to be sucked into a vortex and dropped in oz or thrown into the side of a sky scrapper. [i realize that chicago isn't referred to as the windy city because of wind. my home town does have quite the history of crooked politicians - but that doesn't change the fact that it is, indeed, incredibly windy]. yesterday, as i drank my way through oskar blues, chicagoans were enjoying one of the last beautiful days of the season. today, however, my mother informs me that the winds sweeping over the midwest are the strongest on record for the last 70 years. wow. and me without my kite.
out here on the front range things are shakey. seriously. the walls in my living room are making horrifying noises and the fireplace sounds like it's wailing in pain. take it easy mr. fireplace, i feel your agony. i too understand the difficulties in standing up against the elements. as i wobbled toward the far end of the park to clean up after rico, [this act always makes me feel as though i am the pet and he is the owner. i mean really, he's running around with his doggie park friends and i'm gimping after him scooping up his shit. i know he doesn't have opposable thumbs and he is unable to do this for himself, but i swear i saw a condescending grin on his slobbery face as he galloped off to inappropriately sniff the unsuspecting labrador.] the wind almost took me down. i could barely stand on my foot!
don't get me wrong - i love, love, love colorado and, quite literally, the view from my couch - but fighting the strength of the weather today made me long for the simplicity of the city. you know, little things we take for granted. like elevators.
out here on the front range things are shakey. seriously. the walls in my living room are making horrifying noises and the fireplace sounds like it's wailing in pain. take it easy mr. fireplace, i feel your agony. i too understand the difficulties in standing up against the elements. as i wobbled toward the far end of the park to clean up after rico, [this act always makes me feel as though i am the pet and he is the owner. i mean really, he's running around with his doggie park friends and i'm gimping after him scooping up his shit. i know he doesn't have opposable thumbs and he is unable to do this for himself, but i swear i saw a condescending grin on his slobbery face as he galloped off to inappropriately sniff the unsuspecting labrador.] the wind almost took me down. i could barely stand on my foot!
don't get me wrong - i love, love, love colorado and, quite literally, the view from my couch - but fighting the strength of the weather today made me long for the simplicity of the city. you know, little things we take for granted. like elevators.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
handicapable activity #1
today i discovered one more activity that does not require walking. you do not need two feet to drink (but, apparently full mobility is necessary in avoiding peer pressure). as it turns out, a bar stool is a perfectly sturdy place to spend an afternoon. my injury may prevent me from serving beer, but it certainly doesn't prevent me from drinking beer! this discovery makes me optimistic for tomorrows oskar blues field trip.
the second lesson of the day was not quite so uplifting. today i also learned that alcohol+crutches+weekend shoppers=terrifyingly dangerous trip to nordstrom. in the future, if i choose to patronize a store without complimentary rascal scooters, i will be sure to keep the boozing to a minimum. or at least bring a more attentive chaperone...
the second lesson of the day was not quite so uplifting. today i also learned that alcohol+crutches+weekend shoppers=terrifyingly dangerous trip to nordstrom. in the future, if i choose to patronize a store without complimentary rascal scooters, i will be sure to keep the boozing to a minimum. or at least bring a more attentive chaperone...
Saturday, October 23, 2010
realizing dreams through primetime television
why is it that on tv teachers are always hanging out in the teachers lounge? first of all, when i was teaching i barely had time to pee. i certainly wasn't sipping lattes with my also-young-and-good-looking colleagues (note the sarcasm, as my fellow teachers were neither young nor good looking). where is this fantasy school where teachers have all this available time and a rockin place to spend said hours of freedom? if anyone knows of a school like this please let me know, as i am currently searching for a teaching job. i would happily fill the role of will schuster and guide a crew of young, singing and dancing underdogs. Or better yet, embody a one sue sylvester and rule the faculty and student body with terror and witty hatred. does your faculty need a chronic lady? i'm not so sure how i feel about that, morally. however in this economy i can't say i'd reject any niche a school needs filled.
if you are at all familiar with glee, you may have realized that this idea has been inspired by the swanky teachers lounge at william mckinnley high. in my incapacitated state i have been watching (and who am i kidding? singing along with) hours of the television show that brought back the musical comedy. [right here is where i should talk about the origin, rise and fall, and overall importance of musical theatre, specifically the comedic genre. however, this piece is not for a professor or publication and i find research boring. therefore, i will simply say that musical comedies are to me, as a chocolate river is to augustus gloop. i want to gobble them up and become completely submerged in their deliciously harmonious goodness]. this genre combines two of my very favorite things, wait for it.... music and comedy. i'm thrilled that lea, cory, and the rest of the gang have inspired students all over the country to form their own clubs, as it is important for those of us who need to belt into the spotlight have the opportunity to do so.
watching countless hours of family friendly tv has taught me that all good stories should have a moral, big or small. don't distress - here comes the fox-family moral of this story; everyone must have a dream. more importantly, spending my recuperation with ryan murphy's brilliant array of triple threats has helped me realize my own dream. after endless soul searching i now recognize my longing for a career at an upper-middle class high school, where i spend the majority of the day producing - and occasionally staring in - over the top musical numbers with incredibly talented students and seemingly unending budgets, part of the time relaxing in a ritzy teachers lounge flirting with good-looking colleagues, once in a while teaching a spanish [insert english] class, all while running the school with aggressively offensive humor.
what? too much to ask?
on a side note - when i told my mother how i have been spending my couch time while my foot is broken, she said "oh, have you been singing along? because i know you haven't been dancing.' and then she cackled with laughter. thanks. mom.
if you are at all familiar with glee, you may have realized that this idea has been inspired by the swanky teachers lounge at william mckinnley high. in my incapacitated state i have been watching (and who am i kidding? singing along with) hours of the television show that brought back the musical comedy. [right here is where i should talk about the origin, rise and fall, and overall importance of musical theatre, specifically the comedic genre. however, this piece is not for a professor or publication and i find research boring. therefore, i will simply say that musical comedies are to me, as a chocolate river is to augustus gloop. i want to gobble them up and become completely submerged in their deliciously harmonious goodness]. this genre combines two of my very favorite things, wait for it.... music and comedy. i'm thrilled that lea, cory, and the rest of the gang have inspired students all over the country to form their own clubs, as it is important for those of us who need to belt into the spotlight have the opportunity to do so.
watching countless hours of family friendly tv has taught me that all good stories should have a moral, big or small. don't distress - here comes the fox-family moral of this story; everyone must have a dream. more importantly, spending my recuperation with ryan murphy's brilliant array of triple threats has helped me realize my own dream. after endless soul searching i now recognize my longing for a career at an upper-middle class high school, where i spend the majority of the day producing - and occasionally staring in - over the top musical numbers with incredibly talented students and seemingly unending budgets, part of the time relaxing in a ritzy teachers lounge flirting with good-looking colleagues, once in a while teaching a spanish [insert english] class, all while running the school with aggressively offensive humor.
what? too much to ask?
on a side note - when i told my mother how i have been spending my couch time while my foot is broken, she said "oh, have you been singing along? because i know you haven't been dancing.' and then she cackled with laughter. thanks. mom.
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