america the beautiful

i appreciate the right to vote. the first amendment is stellar - i’m all about freedom of speech. i realize that i’m lucky to be an american citizen, living in a democracy, yatta yatta yatta. i get it. the u.s. rocks. but every couple of years i want to pack my bags and hop a plane to some government-free island south of the equator. i simply can not take one more of these terrible campaign advertisements! every time i turn on the television (which is often. why couldn’t i have forgotten how to walk after the election?) i am bombarded by ad after ad for “women of colorado support ‘ms. ‘promises-to-make-a-difference’” or “how could anyone vote for ‘mr. i-hate-women’s rights.’” enough already. if this doesn’t end soon i’m going to be forced to do something drastic like - gasp!- turn off my television.

what i really have a difficult time understanding is who they hire to do the production of these abominable commercials. certainly not anyone professionally involved in television or advertising. this is apparent by the total lack of creativity and/or entertainment. i mean, really - the treacherous music underscoring an evil voice bashing the opponent, followed by the cheerful serenade as the ‘right’ choice, suit clad, rescues a kitten from a tree while his beautiful wife and 2 1/2 children look on adoringly - really?

does anyone actually think this is a high-quality, effective way to ‘get out the vote’? it certainly doesn’t make me want to vote for anyone in particular. in fact, the only thing i am inspired to do when i see these commercials, besides throw something at the tv or hit the mute button, is dislike politicians. in general, i have decided to be against all government officials who do not take their advertisements seriously enough to do something original. come on kids, all i’m looking for is a little creativity. if primetime is going to be flooded with hours of this nonsense, is a little production value too much to ask? would it kill someone to crack a joke? a pun? something?

in high school, i learned that the right to vote is not only a right, but a responsibility. however i believe that if politicians want to take up air time on television (especially when i have a broken foot) it becomes their responsibility to use their time wisely - i.e. to entertain me. through this logic i have decided that the next time an election roles around, i will judge the candidates solely on the creativity and entertainment value of their commercials. after all, they are taking the time (oh god, SO much time) to... um.... inform the public, maybe someone should listen.

so that will be the key to my vote. you go, boys - think, draft, create! may the best man (or pants-suit-wearin’-lady) win! gee, this might actually make the next election interesting...